I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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