so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
