I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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