You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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