girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
