So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
