Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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