Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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