At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
