Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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