C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
