he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
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mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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