Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
