i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
