I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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