I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize