You can't special order awesome
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
