I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
