We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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