I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
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Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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