I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
