he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
