also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
