Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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