Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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