Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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