sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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