yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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