It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
