You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
