She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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