Its about making memories worth repressing
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
