i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
