I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
