idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
