He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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