we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well I just put wine in my tea
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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