I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
