ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
