Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize