the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
