have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
