I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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