No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
