I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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