Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
everyone is single if you try hard enough
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
