life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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