you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
