how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
