I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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