I think I died a long time ago.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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