She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
