Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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