What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
