dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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