i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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