I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
