WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
