We're facebook friends in real life
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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