dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
