I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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