At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
