I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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