My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
