There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
